Hey, Birdy
by Laura Messer
Summary: Tony and Phil were together for a while before the Manhattan Incident... Then Tony grieved. And then he didn't. Because he couldn't. It was all his fault... But the blue bird wasn't cursed forever and the black bird will always be a king.


**I was heavily influenced by 'First Love' by Carol Ann Duffy which I've written out to you in the beginning. I was also inspired by some beautiful fables when looking for cute nicknames for these two. Enjoy!**

 **Oh! '/' is the poem. And '*' are flashbacks or memories**

/Waking, with a dream of first love forming real words, as close to my lips as I speak your name, after a silence of years, into the pillow, and the power of your name brings me here to the window, naked, to say it again to a garden shaking with light.

This was a child's love, and yet I clench my eyes till the pictures return, unfocused at first, then almost clear, an old film played at slow speed. All day I will glimpse it, I windows of changing sky, in mirrors, in my lover's eyes, wherever you are.

And later a star, long dead, here, seems precisely the size of a tear. Tonight, a love-letter out of a dream stammers itself in my heart. Such faithfulness. You smile in my head on the last evening. Unseen flowers suddenly pierce and sweeten the air./

* "Hey black bird." Phil spoke intimately from behind him in his 'shop.

"Hey blue bird ... I'm just about to finish this. Gimme like an hour and I'll be right up to bed, I swear. JARVIS will even verify and time it and everything. Won't ya J?"

"Certainly sir." JARVIS sighed.

"Was that exasperation I hear?! JARVIS, I didn't programme you with half this shit. You can join Dum-E on the 'visit' to community college!"

"Tony. It's fine. I'll just wait for you here, I like watching you work. And I'm surprised JARVIS hasn't just up and left you by this point; exasperation is the least of your worries. Remind me to take some pointers from you, JARVIS?" Geez, this fool really did love him; no one liked to watch him work, he talked to himself, blew things up, sang ridiculously and completely forgot about you for hours.

"Thank you, Phillip. Any time." Huh, 'Phillip'. When did they get so close.

"Uh. No. No teaming up! Conspiracy! It's evil, competent, villainy! Somebody call Pepper!"

"If we're 'evil, competent' villains, surely Virginia would join us..." Thank God they all love him.

"Damn! You're totally right. I'm fucked."

"Not tonight Birdy, maybe before breakfast..." And shit wasn't that just the cherry on top.

"Hnnng..."

He groaned as Phil leaned in and kissed him soundly and firmly on the lips... *

He slept, curled around a pillow in the centre of the King-size bed; sheets crumpled and blankets sprawled across the toned body that seemed almost smaller, paler, in the moonlight. No Pepper tonight.

Tony whimpered as a chill swept over the sheen of developed sweat over his neck and face. JARVIS instantly increased the room temperature to sooth his creator.

"Phil..." He whispered tightly into the wet pillow; soaked from both his sweat and unknowing tears.

Tony sits up urgently. Breathing deep, shuddering from a memory of years ago. A memory unremembered. Until now.

"Phil?" He asked the empty darkness once more before remembered. He remembered...

He gets up, fighting the memories, but not very hard. It's like fighting against taking a drink, except he's always going to give in to this, whether Pepper distracts him or not. At least alcohol doesn't make him such a goddamn wimp.

He stands in front of the fleeting, eternally lit, New York skyline, feeling naked, but actually wearing a non-greased covered t-shirt and boxers, for once.

Tony never actually liked New York. Sure, he's a businessman and there's no business like the Big Apple but it's too crowded, too many dangers, too many memories...

Phil never liked it either. Always such a dreamer, white picket fence in the goddamn countryside. Tony actually had an offer on the house in Portland.

* "Pick a weekend. I'll fly you to Portland. Keep love alive!" *

He squeezed his eyes closed again, trying to keep the tears at bay but also wanting to think through all the memories. He can be such a masochist sometimes. He wipes away the dampness from his face.

* "I will taze you and watch Supernanny while you drool into the carpet."

"Ooh. Kinky."

"Tony..."

"Aww Phil why?"

"This is what you get for not telling me about you dying..."

"Not even one little peck? I'm dying here!"

"You will fix this. You've got everything you could possibly need right here. You can save yourself. I know you can."

"Just because I'm a goddamn Stark doesn't mean I'm not going to die Phil! Money isn't going to save me!"

"Years and years ago..."

"Seriously? Right now?"

"Jupiter called upon all the birds in the land; he said the prettiest one would become their King and saviour. The jackdaw saw his ugly feathering and decided to find and pluck some of the most beautiful feathers in the land and stick them to himself. All the other birds saw and protested before Jupiter, until he stopped them. He said 'This self-made bird has more sense than you. He shall be king'. You made you, Tony. Never forget that, because I don't..." Phil nodded towards Tony's shocked stature and kissed his cheek.

"Th-thank you?"

"It's time to save yourself black bird..." *

He was Tony's blue bird... Phil's eyes always fluttered so delicately in the arc reactor's light, making them a deeper shade of blue. If Phil could give him a cute little nickname, he could reciprocate...

* "I have to go to Mexico."

"You've said that already..."

"Hey, Birdy. I'm coming back for you..." Phil's voice vibrated through him from his position on top of his bare chest.

"You... It's not.. I can wait. Yeah. I'll- I'll just wait right here then." *

*"Trust me!"

"I do!"

"Well good! Fine! Whatever then!"

"Yes!"

They both stood staring at each other breathing heavily. It was just a stupid blip. Some bimbo claimed something or other. Tony... Tony doesn't listen or hears but doesn't think. He said something to Agent. Agent was bland as ever. Tony had a shouting match with himself until Phil got sick of his whining and blamed his thick social facade and short term thinking for his problems. Then they argued about SHIELD and trust and irony and then... Then they kissed. And it was hot. So they kept doing it. And Tony started to believe Phil a little. And Phil, Phil wore jeans... *

Poor Pep. Of course I had to bring her into this. But she knew. She had to know. It's a little relief for both of them, no matter how bad Tony feels about calling out Phil's name or seeing him in her eyes or her not looking into his most of the time.

It was mutual.

Mutual grief.

He's not even mad. He could never be mad; except at Fury, he always found a way to be mad with him.

The blue bird was cursed, he flew the nest, broke a wing and couldn't come home. The princess believed him to have left her, her Prince Charming gone forever. Then the bluebird came back to find the princess fucking Pepper...

The stars are too bright tonight. Like burning war-heads heading to conflict. Like every suit he'd ever sacrificed. Stupid fucking tears are back.

Such faithfulness!

His face, oh God, his face. The last time he saw him. That damn smile, the one that actually crinkles his eyes and usually raises his glasses on his nose, when he wears them, the one where he actually means it... Until he sees Pepper. And it's the one where it means he's really fucking upset. Like that time Tony almost died e.g. Every other Thursday.

* "I'll... Be around. I've got handler duties to fulfill... Mr Stark, Miss Potts..." He never says our last names any more. It's always everyone's full name, which I always joked at him about, or 'Tony'.. Or 'black bird'. Not 'Stark'. Not for years. No. *

Tony can't stop the tears, can't even fight them anymore, he deserves them. Deserves what he gets. He is the naive princess, not the self-made King...

He doesn't hear him enter, doesn't hear him walk towards him, doesn't remember crushing them together, doesn't remember crying into his neck but it's okay... Because Phil remembers...

"Hey black bird..."


End file.
